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I have felt stuck these past few weeks. I believe it’s part of this season. I can look back over the past few years, as in almost 16 years, and see a pattern. I miss my Mom during this time of the year more than I even realize as her birthday and anniversary of her death approach. The grief and sadness come in slowly and then eventually something clearly reminds me of her and I have the “ah-ha” moment.
Now, what to do with this season. I wrestle much with it. It’s uncomfortable. I am more emotional. It brings up great memories, tender memories, sad memories. Mostly a longing to have my Mom to talk to. To tell her all about what is going on in my life. Things reflected on, things I’m excited for and just every day living.
What is sweet is that I continue to get to know my Mom more and more every year that she has passed. I find out new stories, usually hilarious ones. People point out her in me, this is truly a blessing and I see her in others, such as my siblings and how they care for their children or the silly “Jean-isms” that come out of our mouths. She was a hoot! She wanted all of her children to live life to the fullest. So, whether tear filled eyes or a smile so big and bright, that is what I plan to do. As I write this out, I am realizing that my stuck feeling is ok. It’s good to rest and reflect. In fact, I am going to look ahead to next year and plan a long weekend to do just that.
I know for me, writing helps me to process and I love it! Find what helps you move through your “stuck.” Don’t be afraid to walk through and even enjoy the emotions that come with the process. They are both beautiful and necessary for growth. Give yourself grace my friends. Life is hard, but we are all in it together.