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Fruit of the Spirit, Self-Control

  • Writer: Andrea Jones
    Andrea Jones
  • Jun 8
  • 6 min read

Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. God can and does give us this through the power of his Holy Spirit. Galatians, chapter 5, says if we partake in the flesh versus being led by the Spirit we will NOT inherit the kingdom of God (vs 21). I have been meditating on this scripture a lot lately as I see in my own life the ways in which I live by my flesh. I have been asking and praying for more opportunities to grow in my self-control with food choices, late night eating, physical boundaries in dating, and what to say “yes” and “no” to. I am asking the Lord to help me stick to my daily calendar, my to-do lists, so that I do not get distracted from what the Lord has given me for work to do each day. The practice of discipline is a practice for sure. It is helping me to have rhythms and routines that block out the challenges of getting off task.


Recently, I have been hearing and battling my own thoughts such as, “if I could just hurry up and get “this” done, then I won’t be tempted anymore.” Or “if I just finish these tasks, then I can fully focus on what I need to do.” These my friends are lies from the enemy. I could do the easier less time consuming more fun tasks all day long. What I need to do is to give the Lord my best and first.


Colorado State University Flower Gardens, Fort Collins
Dating with boundaries brings freedom and gives us practice for marriage.

How about this one? Have you ever heard “if we just get married then we don’t have to be tempted by physical boundaries anymore?” Though the Lord does say that if we do not have self-control then we should marry (1 Corinthians 7: 8-9), I wonder how many of us spend time seeking the Lord for more of him, more self-control? I will be honest, I have heard this scripture a lot and I have wanted to give in many times, but the Spirit of the Lord has given me strength and a fresh perspective of the beauty in growing in this area. If we practice self-control now, speaking from a dating perspective or even single desiring marriage, then we will take even more into a marriage. I don’t think this idea gets mentioned as often speaking to needing self-control in marriage as well, so for single folks, engaged, dating or not yet married, why not practice now? (1 Corinthians 7:1-5)


This specific fruit of the spirit of self-control in relationships is dear to my heart. The Lord has used relationships in my life over time to help me grow in the area of boundaries by strengthening my self-control. Here are a couple of ideas for young and for old people (like me – ha). And by the way, I want to give a shout out to my brothers and sisters in Christ who have been open and honest with me along the way. This topic is not always talked about and I believe it should be. It is SO important as our boundaries in relationships shape who we become. Here are a couple of ideas to help you along your dating road.

·       Position yourselves, while dating, or getting to know someone in safe places (public). Tell someone, a friend or family member where you are going. When and where and how long to expect you gone.

·       Stay in the presence of people, friends and family, don’t be fully alone.

·       As you get to know someone, avoid what triggers one another. You must communicate this with your partner. You won’t know unless you talk. And then help each other out.

·       Seek out accountability. Have real, raw and honest conversations so that a brother or sister in Christ can be your “phone a friend” in times of struggle and need to pray, listen and point you to Christ.  


These are just a few ideas. Pray and ask the Lord to show you what else specific to your relationship would be helpful. He will help you. He is faithful.


I love dark chocolate!
I really do love dark chocolate but I love Jesus more!

Another area for me is food. “If I just finish this bar of chocolate then I won’t be tempted to eat sugar anymore.” So if I finish it then the temptation is gone? What happens when I’m weak again and I buy another bar? I have done this many of times. I have went back and forth with, “should I have it in the house to help me learn self-control? Or should I get rid of it all, because it is causing me to sin?” Not probably super helpful, but there have been times for both. I do believe the Lord wants us to get rid of what causes us to sin. When we are struggling and learning, it is best to cut it off! Period. End of story. But then, the Lord builds us up in time to mature in him so we can have the strength, his strength to say “no” when needed.


These are my own personal battles. We all have them. For me, I know these are ways the Lord is growing me in my journey. When I slow down, think, pause, even go to bed, because I’m tired, I make better choices. I am learning what my triggers are, but still I have weak moments friends. I am not perfect, but I do strive to get rid of the temptation in my life so that, I don’t fall to sin as often.


I am here to tell you that when we ask the Lord for help, he shows up. He may not show up in the way you are thinking, expecting, or timing but he will, because he cares about his children deeply.


I could go on about other struggles that actually popped up this week after I wrote my initial blog, like late night scrolling, but I will stop here and pray for you that the Lord would convict you, help you and show you one step at a time how to turn from your flesh and away from temptation and sin to him, giving you more self-control so that you can experience more of HIM!

 

I'm cheering you on and praying!

Love,

Andrea


Scriptures mentioned above:

Galatians 5: 16-25

16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. 

 

1 Corinthians 7: 1-5, 8-9

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.


To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

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